Friday, February 25, 2011

Blue-ish Week

Been on the verge of tears all weeks. Had an appointment with a job counselor to get advice on my resume. Had 1/2 hr. only so gave her the short version: part-time LA for 10 years and just lost the 10th (or is it the 12th) full-time LA position last month.
"I'm trying to deal with the feeling," I said, and placed my hand over my heart. I meant to say something like: my heart is broken and she said,

"You don't feel valued."

Yeah, that's it. And it makes me sad. Takes away my energy.

But today, I worked out, with help, how to do a small task on the computer and it helped me get back to feeling optimistic.

After all, I'm down 77 lbs. Remember: I'm still me, just a lot thinner. But still me and that's got to be a good thing.

P.S. Found an ice-cream sandwich at Whole Foods with only 6 grams of sugar. Frankly the vanilla ice-cream is almost tasteless but I enjoyed it!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Here's Where I Am.

Waking up, my hands are resting on my abdomen. I stretch my fingers out and feel...what's that?

My ribcage.

My abdomen is concave between the two sides of ribs. I don't know how long it's been since I felt my own bones so clearly.

March 30 will be the 9 month anniversary of my Bariatric Surgery. As of today, February 20, I've lost 75 lbs although to be honest, I did not step on the scale today. I usually do it before stepping into the shower and this being Sunday, I skipped the shower.


The question to myself is: why did I wait almost 9 months to start a blog? Especially since I consider myself a writer. Well, mostly a writer. I'm also a theatre director, actor and teacher. I should list that: actor, director, teacher since I first stepped on stage in kindergarten and pretty much fell in love with it. But as the years went by, theatre has lost the siren call. Got to take up more and more time with less and less payoff. If I were making a living at it, it would be different, of course.

Anyway...about the surgery. It was not an easy decision and it hasn't been an easy road although, yes, the weight did come off - and still is. 'Tho that is not as easy now as it was at first.

I started gaining weight in my late-20's and although I would lose 20 or 30 lbs, I'd gain them back and extras as well. A lot of people know all about that. I was an emotional eater especially sugar.

Here's my testimony: Hi, I'm Margot and I'm a sugar addict.

Nothing a couple of bags of M&M's couldn't fix. Or some Mrs. Fields. Or Tasty Cremes. Or See's....oooo, See's.

I couldn't tell you how my serious conversations I've had about See's.

I can tell you this though, nobody gets any respect being a sugar addict. It isn't glamorous or hip. There isn't an episode of "Law and Order" about sugar wars or ruined lives because of Snickers Bars.

And right away I will say one of the best things about the surgery is the sugar monkey is off my back. I walk into CVS, past the candy displays without a qualm. Seriously. At first I wouldn't look at them but the other day, I swear, I stopped and had a look. And there was not a twinge of longing. The monkey is gone.

It's all about the protein now.